⚠️ If you are in immediate danger, leave and seek help. Your safety is more important than any arrangement.

Safety & Red Flags

While lavender marriages can provide safety and support, entering the wrong arrangement with the wrong person can create danger. Recognizing red flags and prioritizing safety is essential.

Critical Red Flags in Potential Partners

🚩 Dishonesty or Deception

Lies about basic facts (age, employment, marital status)
Story changes or has inconsistencies
Evasive when asked direct questions
Won't video chat or meet (possible catfishing)
Action: End contact immediately

🚩 Rushing or Pressure

Wants to marry immediately or very quickly
Gets angry when you want more time
Dismisses your concerns as "overthinking"
Discourages consulting attorney or others
Action: Slow down. If they won't respect timeline, walk away

🚩 Financial Red Flags

Asks for money before marriage
Refuses to disclose their finances
Gets defensive about prenuptial agreement
Bad credit with no explanation
Action: Full financial disclosure non-negotiable. If they resist, end discussion

🚩 Controlling Behavior

Wants to control who you see or talk to
Monitors your phone, email, social media
Isolates you from friends and family
Makes all decisions unilaterally
Action: This is abuse. End contact immediately

🚩 Romantic/Sexual Expectations

Expects romantic relationship despite clarity
Sexual advances or comments
Wants to "cure" or "convert" you
Violates physical boundaries
Action: Crystal clear this is not romantic. If they don't accept, end contact

🚩 Anger or Aggression

Explosive temper
Yelling, name-calling, insults
Threatens violence or self-harm
Destroys property when angry
Action: Abuse indicator. Leave immediately

Safety Planning

✓ Tell trusted friend/family about arrangement
✓ Meet in public places initially
✓ Don't share home address until thoroughly vetted
✓ Maintain financial independence and emergency fund
✓ Keep important documents in safe place
✓ Have exit plan if you feel unsafe

Common Scams

🚩 Financial scams: Asking for money, access to accounts
🚩 Immigration fraud: Only interested in visa/green card
🚩 Catfishing: Fake photos, won't video chat
🚩 Identity theft: Requests for SSN, passport, financial documents

Crisis Resources

→ Emergency Hotlines & Immediate Help

Your safety always comes first. Last updated: January 2025