================================================================ LAVENDER MARRIAGE — PARTNER VETTING CHECKLIST ================================================================ 2lavenders.com | For personal use only This checklist is not legal advice. ================================================================ Use this checklist when evaluating a potential lavender marriage partner. Complete it honestly for each candidate. There are no "pass" or "fail" scores — use it to identify alignment, dealbreakers, and conversations still needed. Rate each item: ✓ Confirmed / ? Unclear / ✗ Concern / — N/A ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 1 — IDENTITY & AUTHENTICITY ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] They are genuinely LGBTQ+ (not seeking to deceive you) [ ] Their stated motivation is honest and makes sense [ ] They have a track record you can verify (mutual contacts, social presence, references) [ ] They are not currently in an undisclosed committed relationship that would complicate the arrangement [ ] Their level of outness is compatible with your own [ ] They are seeking the same type of arrangement as you (platonic / cover / practical / other) Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 2 — PRACTICAL COMPATIBILITY ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] Compatible location (same city, willing to relocate, or comfortable with long-distance arrangement) [ ] Compatible lifestyle (work schedule, social habits, cleanliness, noise tolerance) [ ] Compatible financial situation (or comfortable with how differences will be managed) [ ] Compatible stance on children (want / don't want / open / already have) [ ] Compatible views on outside relationships [ ] Compatible family involvement expectations [ ] Language and communication are easy and natural Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 3 — VALUES & GOALS ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] Shared values around honesty and discretion [ ] Compatible long-term goals (career, geography, family) [ ] Similar relationship timelines (ready now vs. planning for the future) [ ] Compatible views on religion, politics, and social issues where these would affect the arrangement [ ] Both understand this is a mutual arrangement with mutual obligations — not one person helping the other Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 4 — COMMUNICATION & EMOTIONAL SAFETY ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] You can have difficult conversations with them openly [ ] They listen without dismissing your concerns [ ] They are willing to put agreements in writing [ ] They respect your boundaries when you set them [ ] They do not pressure you to move faster than you want [ ] They handle disagreement calmly and respectfully [ ] You feel physically and emotionally safe around them Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 5 — LEGAL & FINANCIAL TRANSPARENCY ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] They have disclosed any relevant legal history (prior marriages, criminal record, bankruptcy) [ ] They are honest about their financial situation [ ] They are willing to consult legal counsel before formalising the arrangement [ ] They agree on how finances will be handled [ ] They have no outstanding warrants or immigration issues that could create legal risk for you Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 6 — SAFETY CONSIDERATIONS ---------------------------------------------------------------- [ ] You have met in person at least once in a safe setting [ ] A trusted person in your life knows who they are [ ] You have verified their identity through independent means (video call, in-person meeting, mutual connections) [ ] You have not sent money or provided financial assistance before meeting in person [ ] You have researched their social media presence independently [ ] Your gut instinct says this person is trustworthy Notes: ___________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------- RED FLAGS — STOP AND REASSESS IF ANY APPLY ---------------------------------------------------------------- ⚠ They refuse to meet in person before committing ⚠ They are evasive about their identity, location, or job ⚠ They have asked you for money, gifts, or loans ⚠ They pressure you to move quickly on decisions ⚠ They dismiss or minimise your concerns ⚠ They have inconsistent or changing stories ⚠ They are unwilling to put agreements in writing ⚠ They want to keep the arrangement hidden even from mutual trusted contacts ⚠ Something feels "off" — trust your instincts ---------------------------------------------------------------- OVERALL ASSESSMENT ---------------------------------------------------------------- Strengths of this match: ______________________________________________________________ Areas that need further conversation: ______________________________________________________________ Dealbreakers identified (if any): ______________________________________________________________ Recommended next step: □ Continue conversations — promising match □ Address specific concerns before proceeding □ Do not proceed — concerns are dealbreakers ================================================================ 2lavenders.com — Not legal advice. For personal use only. ================================================================