================================================================ LAVENDER MARRIAGE — PARTNER DISCUSSION TEMPLATE ================================================================ 2lavenders.com | For personal use only This template is not legal advice. Consult a solicitor/attorney for binding agreements. ================================================================ Use this template to structure early conversations with a potential lavender marriage partner. Work through each section together, taking notes on areas of agreement and any questions that need further discussion. ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 1 — IDENTITY & MOTIVATION ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1.1 How do you identify (sexuality, gender)? [Space for notes] 1.2 What is your primary motivation for exploring a lavender marriage arrangement? (e.g. family pressure, safety in current country, financial stability, immigration, children, social cover, chosen family structure) [Space for notes] 1.3 Are you currently out to family, friends, and/or employer? Who knows, and who doesn't? [Space for notes] 1.4 Do you have any current romantic or sexual partnerships outside this arrangement? Are you open to them? [Space for notes] 1.5 What does "success" look like for this arrangement in 5 years? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 2 — RELATIONSHIP STRUCTURE ---------------------------------------------------------------- 2.1 Is this arrangement intended to be platonic, romantic, sexual, or some combination? [Space for notes] 2.2 Will either partner have outside romantic/sexual relationships? If so, what are the ground rules? (disclosure requirements, bringing partners home, social media, meeting friends/family) [Space for notes] 2.3 What level of physical affection are you comfortable with in public? In private? (holding hands, kissing for photos) [Space for notes] 2.4 What are your expectations around emotional intimacy and friendship within the arrangement? [Space for notes] 2.5 How will you handle situations where one partner develops deeper feelings for the other? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 3 — LIVING ARRANGEMENTS ---------------------------------------------------------------- 3.1 Will you live together? Full time or part time? [Space for notes] 3.2 If living together: separate bedrooms or shared? Who decides the rules of the shared space? [Space for notes] 3.3 How will visitors (friends, dates, family) be managed? [Space for notes] 3.4 What happens if one partner needs to relocate for work or personal reasons? [Space for notes] 3.5 Pets, cleanliness standards, guests, noise — any strong preferences or dealbreakers? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 4 — FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS ---------------------------------------------------------------- 4.1 How will day-to-day expenses be split? (50/50, proportional to income, one pays all, separate) [Space for notes] 4.2 Will you maintain separate bank accounts or open a joint account for shared expenses? [Space for notes] 4.3 How will major purchases be handled? (furniture, car, property) [Space for notes] 4.4 What happens to shared property if the arrangement ends? [Space for notes] 4.5 Will you file taxes jointly or separately? Have you considered the implications in your jurisdiction? [Space for notes] 4.6 Are there existing debts, assets, or financial obligations each partner should disclose? [Space for notes] 4.7 Wills, beneficiaries, power of attorney — have you discussed end-of-life financial wishes? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 5 — FAMILY & SOCIAL PRESENTATION ---------------------------------------------------------------- 5.1 What will you tell family members? (full cover story, partial truth, complete honesty with trusted individuals) [Space for notes] 5.2 How will you handle intrusive questions from family about children, the "real" nature of the relationship, etc.? [Space for notes] 5.3 Will you attend each other's family events? What is expected of each partner at these events? [Space for notes] 5.4 What is the agreed-upon public narrative? (How did you meet? When did you decide to marry?) [Space for notes] 5.5 Social media: will you post together? What is and isn't allowed to be posted? [Space for notes] 5.6 Friends: who is told the full truth? Who is not? How do you handle accidental disclosure? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 6 — CHILDREN ---------------------------------------------------------------- 6.1 Does either partner want children (biological, adopted, foster, or none)? [Space for notes] 6.2 If children are desired: when, how, and with whose involvement? [Space for notes] 6.3 If children exist from previous relationships: how will step-parenting, custody arrangements, and financial responsibilities work? [Space for notes] 6.4 How would the arrangement change if a child is born into or joins the family? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 7 — HEALTH & WELLBEING ---------------------------------------------------------------- 7.1 Are there any health conditions, disabilities, or mental health considerations the other partner should know about? [Space for notes] 7.2 What are your expectations if one partner becomes seriously ill or incapacitated? [Space for notes] 7.3 Do you have or plan to designate a healthcare power of attorney? Would the other partner hold this? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 8 — EXIT CONDITIONS ---------------------------------------------------------------- 8.1 Under what circumstances would either partner end the arrangement? [Space for notes] 8.2 How much notice would you give before initiating an exit? [Space for notes] 8.3 What is the agreed process for telling family, friends, and employers if the arrangement ends? [Space for notes] 8.4 How will shared property and finances be divided? [Space for notes] 8.5 Are there any conditions under which you would remain legally married but live separately? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- SECTION 9 — COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT ---------------------------------------------------------------- 9.1 How will you raise concerns or disagreements? (regular check-ins, as-needed conversations, written notes) [Space for notes] 9.2 How often will you do a formal "arrangement review"? (every 6 months, annually) [Space for notes] 9.3 If the arrangement is struggling, would you consider mediation? Who would mediate? [Space for notes] 9.4 What are your individual dealbreakers — things that would immediately end the arrangement? [Space for notes] ---------------------------------------------------------------- NEXT STEPS ---------------------------------------------------------------- □ Exchange written answers before meeting to discuss □ Identify areas of alignment and areas needing compromise □ Agree on which items need legal documentation □ Consider consulting a solicitor/attorney before proceeding □ Set a date for the next review conversation ================================================================ 2lavenders.com — Not legal advice. For personal use only. ================================================================